God Help Me!

God help me!

Help me to get patient. 

Patient with mom.

Mom's had a walker for about 5 weeks now, but in actual usage, about 2.5 weeks.  That's because she's been in and out of hospitals and nursing homes so much over the last 5 weeks.

I must tell her about 70 times a day, when you are up walking, you need to have your walker in your hands so you do not fall.  You fell and fractured your pelvis so now you MUST use a walker EVERY time you walk so you don't fall again and do more damage to yourself.

And everytime she gets up, she walks right past her walker and walks!!! ARGH!!!  I am about ready to hand cuff it to her wrist!

I am now at the point where I am not telling her, not saying to her, I am just about YELLING it at her!  

And I hate that.

She gets frustrated with me as I get frustrated with her.

Please God, help me.   Help me to get patient.  Patient with mom.

Anyone out there experience this and can offer a few words of encouragement or suggestions?

#dementiaistakingmomaway  #dementia #caringformom #momneedshelp #adultcare #seniorcare #caregiver #helpforcaregivers #ilovemom #momisdisappearing #livingwithmom #livingwithdementia

Our 'Spill' Luck Ran Out...

Lots has happened since my last post....
it's been a crazy busy past two weeks.

Hubby and I finally got to get away for a week's visit to his brother & wife's place in FL.  We had a very relaxing time and got to see lovely places in the Fort Myers area.  We even had the chance to pick up a rental car at the airport mid-week and drive Alligator Alley to the East Coast and get a visit in with my Uncle and a few cousins...  An extremely good trip and extremely needed... we were both feeling the 'pain' of caretaking.

Well while we were away, my older brother and his 2nd wife, decided at nearly the last minute to care for mom at their house.  I believe I wrote about my dilemma of where to put mom while we got away for a much needed break... When I purchased our airline tickets, I put an all-hands email out for volunteers to let mom stay with them... but only one 'immediate' bite, which came from my daughter, the nurse.

She had lived with mom for about 5 years before getting married and buying her own place.  She saw the small little declines in mom's behavior over that 5 year period.  She wanted mom to come to her house.  (I had hoped she'd come and stay here so mom would have the familiar surroundings but hubby said NO! I don't want her in this house! (he was at the breaking point).  He's regretted that since our return, saying I guess you (me) were right, if she had stayed here and Lisa came here, this probably wouldn't have happened... it's my fault... <-- NOTE: it's NOT his fault what happened but as his disease has done with so much else in our lives, he turns EVERYTHING into 'his fault'...

Wait!  What?  Wait what? What wouldn't have happened???

Aha, the crux of the 'so much has happened in the last 2 weeks or so' hint above.

As faithful readers know (are there any of you out there?), mom had been in and out of hospitals recently... up until this point, it was about 8 weeks and 6 hospital trips, with the latest being the shopping 911 call and then back into the hospital within 3 hours of being released from that trip...

So it may or may not surprise you to find out that while hubby and I were away mom had not one but two hospital ER visits and was transferred to a trauma hospital... so if you are trying to keep count... three hospitals, two ER visits in one week... the week we were away.

Keeping up via text messages on what was going on while I was away was a bit unnerving but it served multiple purposes...

• I could not be there in person to handle it... as I am most often the ONLY one that leaves work or whatever I am doing and sit at the hospital while test after test are done...
• Someone else would have to play that role
• My brother and his wife got to experience some of what my hubby and I deal with on a regular basis (but don't complain about it, at least not until the very end when we were burnt out and needed a break)
• My hubby has gained a #1 Fan in my brother... stating it's not fair to hubby and hubby needs breaks from this constant care-giving.
• And a few more...

First trip to the ER occurred on Tuesday afternoon.  Mom had a trip to the doctor's office on Monday evening, she had a UTI and blood work was done.  Results showed blood count was 6.3.  It should be in the 13.something range... so after trying to contact the folks up here, the doctor's office called my home # and left a vm... and called my cell phone and left a vm.

I was swimming and when I came out, my brother-in-law told me my phone was making all kinds of noises.  I looked and saw I had a vm, and when I saw the #, I knew it was the doctor's # and redialed straight away without listening to the vm.

Doctor wanted her taken to ER immediately, no need to call ambulance but take her and say 'this' so she will be taken back right away and not sit in the waiting room.  Luckily my daughter, the nurse, and my younger brother were both at my brother's house visiting my mom and were able to take mom to ER...

She was admitted, given blood and endoscopy to cauterize an internal bleed.

Thursday she was ready for release but no one could pick her up until after work... Again, Lisa to the rescue, she offers and picks up mom takes her to her house for the day and when my brother and his wife get home, they pick her up and bring her back to their place.  Thursday evening, around dinner time.

I have to add, mom was not sleeping well at night and would be up wandering around their split level home during the night... this was very trying on everyone there; my brother, his wife, his daughter and her fiancee.  And she did start to wander at night in recent weeks at our house too, but not every night and we'd coax her back to bed... she never remembered this in the mornings.

Friday night, around 2 am, she was in their living room and fell.  Apparently she was thirsty and wanted tea.  Went downstairs, in the dark, got her tea and either fell then broke the tea cup and spilled the tea or dropped the tea cup, broke it then fell... we don't know the order but end result was mom on the floor, tea cup broke and tea spilled all over.  Required a change of clothes and wrestling with her to go to bed.

She did not complain when they tried to get her up and walk back to bed, however, when she awakened at 6:30 am she was trying to walk downstairs and her grunts and grinches of pain led my brother and his wife to believe something was drastically wrong... a call to 911.

After being taken to the ER and Xrays revealed a fractured pelvic bone, she was transported to another 'trauma' hospital on Saturday morning.

Long story... I know... and I will try to shorten it a bit.

Hubby and I returned home Saturday, the same morning Pope Francis arrived in Philly for the World Meeting of Families, can you say Secret Service Security??? Not too bad at the airport, His Holiness arrived two hours before we did.

It took me from Monday until Thursday at dinner time to find a place for mom for rehab that could accommodate supervision and a gluten free diet....

Who would have thought...

I finally got to see mom yesterday afternoon in the new place.. I'll pick up there on the next post... needless to say, there was a wee bit of drama...

#elderlycare #momsmovedin #eldercare #dimentia #needhelpwithmom #lovemom #growingoldwithdignity  #ilovemom  #missingmom #watchingmomgoaway

She's Taken Another Spill...

Well she's been wearing a heart monitor for nearly a week, we return it tomorrow.  The we'll get some more results to rule out or rule in what's going on with mom...

Yesterday, we went to 11am Mass... she was a bit ticked because she likes the 9:30am Mass but I've taken her the last 3 weeks.  For those of you who don't know, I've had some real life challenges in the past two years and my faith has been shaken... I am seeing the footprints and when there are only one set, they're mine... not God's carrying me... I am alone and feel it sometime it hurts... so I have fallen away from the Catholic church for more reasons than one... a life long church goer, I've stopped going.  Reasons can be another couple of posts but this blog is to deal with my mom and her path with dementia... and so...

When I came home from work and started prepping for dinner, mom came into the kitchen and took a seat at the island.

We began talking and she shared with me that she had taken another 'spill' today... coming down the steps.  She fell while on the 2nd step from the top and fell to the landing... Luckily my staircase turns at a 90 degree angle and she did not fall down nearly a full set of steps.  OMG!!! 

She was holding her ribs but I did check and don't believe any bones were broken.  I think the stiffness is muscular but OMG... what next?  I told her I was concerned with this, the 3rd spill in as many weeks...

First one was in the kitchen, she fell over the trashcan and landed on the floor, luckily I was here, heard her and was here to help her up.

Second one was in her room... she exited the bed on the opposite side where she sleeps... the side closer to the wall with the radiator... and fell as she got near the end of the bed... into the boxes she's stacked up in her room... thank God they were there she said, they helped break her fall.

And now, the third fall today while coming down the steps... I asked if she had anything in her hands, just the cane she said... I asked if she was holding on the handrail, yes she said.... 

I wrote to my sister and brothers to let them know... things are deteriorating, they are... and I am amazed at how quickly it's unfolding right before my eyes.

Is this how it progresses? So quickly?  I will tell the family doctor when we do our follow up on the 28th, it may be time to start a new med to help with the dementia.

The Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Visiting Nurse will end this week... and a Speech Therapist will come by this week as well... Mom sometimes can't get the words to come out...

Ah... if anyone has dealt with this, how did you handle this?  Are there support groups that caregivers of parents with dementia available?  What is it called?  Any good websites out there that help?

I know, no one is reading this... but at least I am getting it out of my system and keeping this blog as a reference and diary so to speak.  Documenting the mundane and crazy all in one...  

Dear Lord, please spare me the loss of my mind... I have always placed an importance on education and continually learn, I consider myself a life learner... and am very proud of the fact that NO ONE can take that away from me, except God... and it sure looks like he's doing that with my mom... a woman who was so intelligent, fashionable and ahead of her time... and this disease is taking her away slowly but surely... it's sad.


#elderlycare #momsmovedin #eldercare #dimentia #needhelpwithmom #lovemom #growingoldwithdignity  #ilovemom  #missingmom #watchingmomgoaway

That House Across The Street...

Has the same rooms as this one.
Has the same furniture, sofa & love seat... but not these chairs, they are different.
Has the same chairs as the dining room...

It's funny, it's just like this one.

When am I going over there?

You're not mom, you live here...

Really? 

Yup... now let's get you upstairs and ready for bed.

She's up there dusting her room right now... when will she go to bed?

#takingcareofmom #elderlycare #momsmovedin #momneedshelp #momsgettingold #dementia #caringformom #caringformom #caregiversupport

Sandwiched Generation...

Here I am!

I knew there was a name for those of us middle-aged people caring for a parent over 65 and caring for an over 18 child financially at some point.

That's me...

Hoping when my time comes that I am cared for by a family member too... but it ain't easy my friends, it ain't easy.

Any advice?

#sandwichedgeneration #sandwiched-generation #caringformom #agingparents

It Has Come to This... My Dear Mom Letter!

As much as it pains me to have to do this, I believe providing this to mom in writing will better help her understand how important it is that she stop driving at the ripe old age of 83...  

My sister wanted all of my siblings to provide her something to include in a letter and she'd give to mom. When I sent this along, she replied,  

"Wow.  That is awesome.  I would keep that as your own to her.  There is no need to incorporate it at all.  It is powerful all by itself."  

So here it goes, my open letter to mom and driving...  

Dear Mom,  

The mom that raised me was a very intelligent, loving and kind woman who always put the other person ahead of herself when dealing with people.  Because of you and your excellent example, I have grown into such a person.    

With regard to driving at the age of 83 and your current ability, mental capacity and health factors, I am opposed to you driving for many reasons, the foremost of which is your safety and the safety of others.  

Recent health problems have seen you have 3 episodes in a 6 week period of time that required a call to 9-1-1 and hospitalization.  The episodes come on without any warning, so preventing them and predicting them is impossible.  It is my belief that should you be behind the wheel of a car when one of these episodes suddenly, and without warning, comes on, you would be a danger to not only yourself but others as the vehicle would quickly turn from a mode of transportation and 'freedom' to an out of control, destructive vehicle of death that would take away any 'freedom' you may have.  

The driver's license issue will be determined after a six month period of time with an assessment of both your mental and physical health.  If after six months both have not improved tremendously, I would very much appreciate your reconciling your thoughts and feelings to the fact that you are no longer a safe driver and everyone, including you, would be better served if you voluntarily gave up your driving privileges.  

Doing so will gain my support and that of others to bring you out on planned trips to and from stores or friends or social engagements.  

I do this with heavy heart, as it means that you are deteriorating both mentally and physically but I do this with love because you are deserving of dignity, respect and safe keeping.  I want nothing but the best for you and promise to do whatever makes you happy as long as it is not in any way harmful to you.   

Love always, 

Me  

So have you ever had to experience this with your aging parent? 

How did you handle it? 

Did it go over well? 

Would you have done anything differently? 

#elderlycare  #momsgettingold  #caringformom #eldercare  #dimentia #agingparent #helpingmomagegracefully

Post Hospital Stays Follow Ups...

Ah, it's time for all of the post hospital stays follow up....

Dr. Appt with family doctor, check!

He'll have to do some follow ups with the hospitals to see what tests were done as the discharge papers didn't indicate tests and we're trying to figure out if it's a heart thing or a neurological thing.

I have as many to do's as he does!

• Make appointment with cardiologist for follow up to hospital stay and heart monitor.
• Occupational therapist coming today.
• Physcial therapist coming today.
• Visiting nurse needs to call and schedule a visit.
• Reduce aspirin to a baby aspirin v. the adult one prescribed in the hospital, doctor afraid of internal bleeding coming back.
• Oh, symptoms to watch for with bleeding.... feint - no dizzyness, tired, blood in stool, etc... Whoo hoo!

And more...

Being in the sandwiched generation isn't for the feint of heart...  just getting out from under the kids and now it's time for the parental care....

Can't wait to get away in a few weeks....

#takingcareofmom  #elderlycare  #careformom  #parentalcare  #gettingold  #respectyourelders 

2 Hospital Run In Just About As Many Days....

So Monday, after work, I stop by the hospital to take mom home.  They said she had a TIA.

We get home about 6:30pm, I look for something to make for dinner, whip it up, we eat... and mom ate the entire thing!... and clean up.  By this time it's the last round of #WheelofForture and we park ourselves on the sofa to watch.

As normal, mom nods off, and on, and off, and on... snoring a little as she goes.

The phone rings, it's the 'visiting nurse' calling to make an appointment to visit on Tuesday and see mom.  After consulting with the hubby if noon is a good time to stop by, I set the appointment and hang up the phone.

Then I tell mom, come on lady Jane, time to head upstairs to bed.... mom is reaching out, searching for something and I ask what's she's doing?  Trying to move that out of the way... What?... that stuff... Mom, there's nothing there... 

Come on... let's get you upstairs and ready for bed... I help he slowly get up... she takes a few steps to the other end of the sofa and proclaims, I don't feel well, I have to sit....

She sits... and goes into one of those episodes where she's totally unresponsive, her eyes are wide open, pupils big and stationary and her chest doesn't rise for about 6 seconds... I start to slap her cheeks to see if I can get her to respond,,, no luck, so I dial that favorite # again... 9-1-1!

Back we go to the local hospital... more of same testing that was done on Saturday and Sunday at the other place and then some!

Picked her up last night around 8pm and brought her home.  Their diagnosis... dizzyness.... yeah, she's dizzy alright... 

We did get a doctor to agree to write the state to take away her license for 6 months, until we track her progress and see if she improves, but she should NOT be driving.  Oh this will go over well with her... NOT!  Going to let my  sister handle this conversation, perhaps best to do with entire family present... 

Anyone ever have to deal with this???  #HowDidYouHandleThis?  #MomCantDrive #TakeAwayHerDriversLicense

She slept well, and was awake when I left for work today... 

I have sunshine hours today, so I will be home around noon... and will sift through all her NEW discharge papers and set up all the various doctor appointments...

#CaringForMom  #ElderlyCare  #AgingParent  #SupportForAgingParents  #TIA #Stroke

Mini stoke

And all I wanted to do was shop, but mom had another idea.

As we walked into Nordstoms, mom began to spiral down, not making sense and slurring words.  It was over in a matter of minutes but my daughter, the nurse, was with us and said she's having a stroke, we need to call 911 and get her to a hospital.

And we did, and she was and she is...

CT Scan inconclusive, MRI today and they believe she had a mini stroke, however, she's dehydrated and kidneys not operating to capacity.

Keeping her another night, don't want to release until they speak with our family doctor because hospital we transported her to hasn't any records on her for last 6 years...

An so it goes...

A Respite and Another Hospital Run

Well today is day 7 of my respite from mom.

My sister came up last Monday night to have mom come and stay at her place for the month of July... or til mom decides she's had enough and wants to come back.

Mom was a bit peeved when my sister came Monday night to bring her down her house.  Mom said she was feeling rushed... but the fact is mom had been packing and unpacking all week long in anticipation of this stay at my sister's, so we weren't rushing her.

Since she felt this way, I decided not to call her for fear she'd say come and get me now!  

This afternoon, my sister called to tell me she was at the ER with my mom... well her hubby was in ER room with mom, she was in ER waiting area... hubby went with mom in ambulance.

Seems mom had one of those spells where she becomes lethargic, unresponsive and starts moaning.  My b-i-l was with her the entire time that preceded this episode.  

My guess is, as was the case the last time this happened, they will admit her, do rounds of tests for a few days and they won't find what caused it.

It's always a parent, isn't it?

Love her dearly and hope she's home soon.  Still awaiting an update.  More to come.

I Owe A Progress Report

Well not really because I can do what I want but things have been busy for me and of course, mom is keeping me busy too... 

They were right, she does need to be supervised... she's definitely declining but that's okay, she's here and I am dealing with it as best I can.

My sister is saying we need to revisit assisted living... I am not pushing it... if she's happy at my place, I am happy to have her... happy is a relative term mind you.

There are challenges... she's sleep walked, she's gone in the wrong direction and gotten lost but found her way back home... she's forgetful with some things but my oh my, such a PIA with others... what are we doing today, next week, this weekend and if there is something planned, she's a stickler with when are we leaving, who's gonna be there, who's going with us... etc, etc, etc...  

Oh well, it happens... I'll try to post a few of the 'life moments' when I can... I really should do them as they occur, that was my intent when I started this whole It's Always ApParent thingy afterall.

Happy New Year and Welcome Home Mom!

Mom came home from the rehab facility yesterday...

First time she's been home since last year!  Hard to believe.

She went to the ER on NYE, then 6 days later to the rehab, and now, she's home.  YAY!

The visiting nurse just left the house.  Looks like they stopped two of mom's meds while she was away and added 3 meds.  The nurse is going to call the family doctor's office tomorrow to see if we can get her in for an appointment to go over her medications and which she should be on.

Even though the nurse said they ALWAYS recommend following the discharge instructions, we'd like to have the family doctor look at what's been done with her meds and for him to tell us how to proceed.

Her Blood Pressure is slightly elevated but I'd rather have the doctor tell us the right path forward.

Anyone else ever have this kind of issue and what did you decide to do?

#momsmovedin #caringformom #elderlycare #eldercare #momneedscare #lovemom

Dimentia, Let the F-U-N Begin!

Well, finally, it's been confirmed by the staff at the Rehabilitation facility, mom has dimentia.  Physically, she can do just about all things, but cognitively, she's not doing so good.  

I don't know too much about dimentia so my hitting the 'books' and doing research will commence now.

Between today being the anniversary of my Dad's death 28 years ago and the confirmation that mom is in early stages of dimentia, I'm feeling kinda low today.  I'm sad... but I realize I should be just the opposite and be happy for all the time I will have with mom.

I will have to learn new coping skills and how to deal with people with this disease.  My only wish is that my mother has the best, happiest life until she passes onto heaven.  I hope I can fulfill this.

I've already had the 'come to Jesus' meeting with my siblings letting them know we all need to make mom a priority in our lives and I need their help with her.  She will need their stimulation and to be taken out to get a change of scenery... I simply cannot do it alone.

Luckily, we are in agreement... but we'll see if the walk the walk when push comes to shove.

Sorry, a little to cliche-y?  Perhaps.

#elderlycare #momsmovedin #eldercare #dimentia #needhelpwithmom #lovemom 

Rehabilitation and Mom

I've stopped three times to visit mom.  

She seems better each time, however, I am worried about her mind.  I don't know that she fully understands what's going on.

She's fixated with my trip to Orlando... when do I leave, how long will I be away, how am I getting to the airport, am I packed, am I ready, etc...  I keep telling her not to worry about me and my trip.  She should focus on herself so she can get better and get home.

I don't know how long she will be in there nor do I know what type of assessment has been done and what qualifies as a 'get out of jail free' card that will spring her out to home.

Oh well, I have packing to do for my week long trip.  While I am away, the others will have to step up and take care of mom...

On a great note... her room is ready and waiting for her to come home and settle in.  I hope she likes it and is happy with it.

Ta Ta For Now!

#eldercare #elderlycare #momsmovedin #caringformom #lovemom #dimensiaandmom

Update on Mom...

Mom was moved to a Rehabilitation center around 8pm on Monday night.

Needless to say, the move (as they all do) made her confused.  I stopped by on Tuesday morning on my way to work and dropped off clothes for about 5 days.  She was very happy to see me but thought she was in the hospital asking if the high school was behind the building.

I explained that the high school is next to the hospital and now she was next to the hospital where my baby brother was born.  I know, it's confusing to you right!  

I had to leave because I had an 11am meeting at work and told her I'd stop by on my way home.

I did, visited for about an hour and 15 minutes.  My younger brother also stopped by about an hour after I arrived... then I left and headed home.

Although she did go to PT (Physical Therapy) she did not have any idea on a plan the may have been set after her assessment.  

One of us will have to talk to the personnel there to get answers.

I leave for Orlando on Sunday at the crack of dawn for a week of work.  I told her she may, or may not, be released while I am away.

Either way, I'd stop by on my way home and visit for a short bit before leaving.

#eldercare #takingcareofmom #momsmovedin #elderlycare #momneedsusnow #lovemom

Her Room is Just About Ready to Move into... FINALLY!

Here's where I am so far...

I've been working on it to finish it up while mom is in the hospital.

I hope she can come home and get to stay in her new room and get comfy.

We are set to move her original bedroom furniture from her house to mine on Sunday morning.  Enlisting her Grandsons to be the movers!

Mom picked the room color, she wanted a happy room.

I think she hit the nail on the head...

it's happy alright...

stay tuned, more layers to come!

:)

#eldercare #elderly #caringformom #parentalcare #momsmovedin