What a hard year this past year has been after losing Ron on November
2, 2019, after his catastrophic spinal-cord accident. It’s a made-for-TV story, full of ups and downs,
hopefulness and despair, beginnings and ends, but through it all, gratefulness.
The four months leading up to his tragic passing certainly were the
most challenging months Ron, our family and I have ever had to live through,
but we did this as a family unit and were there for Ron every step of the
way. We showered him back with the love
he showed us through the years. Karma exists, and this man left us knowing we
loved him very much.
Our family felt the love and support from family & friends, even
strangers reached out to help us in our time of great need. We will never be able to thank everyone for
the support provided. We will be forever
grateful for the angels that walk on earth. Our sincere gratitude.
Ron suffered for 28 years (to the day, no less) before his tragic fall
down the steps, from a previous, at-work accident. He suffered with RSDS (Reflex Sympathetic
Dystrophy Syndrome - https://www.health.ny.gov/diseases/chronic/reflex_sympathetic/). Feel free to go to the link and get a 10,000
ft level of what that disease consists of for the suffering person.
What this doesn’t tell you is living a life with this disease causes
one to live a life of depression and immediate mood swings. You can manage the pain and get some
enjoyment out of life only to have that change in a heartbeat to constant
excruciating pain that drives you mad! You
planned to go to the party, even showed up only to have to leave right after
your arrival due to the pain and inability to socialize.
Imagine a toothache and how painful it is that it required a dentist to
remove the tooth to ease the pain… well that pain is temporary for most
people. Someone suffering with RSDS
cannot find relief, ever.
If you, or someone you know, suffers from depression, seek help. You are not alone, you are worth it. Please go to https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
and get the help you deserve.
Ron was a warrior before he picked up his shining armor last July. He fought to be the man he was before RSDS,
and sometimes he won! The ‘old Ron’
would come out and try to recapture his ‘happy-go-lucky self’, even if for a
short period of time.
Who knew what lay ahead, what battles he still had to win? God knew but we were clueless. I sometimes reflect on that. I think that cluelessness
helped us continue.
I can only hope that in the face of such adversity that I can be as strong
a person that my husband was as he lived and endured his last four months. I cannot imagine being fully aware of my
surroundings and not being able to do one thing for myself being totally dependent
upon others to get through the day-to-day living we all take for granted. Imagine how humbling this is. And yet, his suffering showed me just how
strong the human spirit can be in times of turmoil. I know he could not have done this alone, and
with the love of his family he worked hard to see the silver lining among the
clouds… each and every day!
If you’ve read this far, thank you.
I now want to shift from what was up to his final battle, to what this
past year has been like without Ron in my life.
It’s been rough, I am not going to lie… and the COVID-19 pandemic and
quarantine has not helped make this year any easier to live through. But live through it I have. Like Ron, I am a warrior and survivor.
I am being selfish and using this post to cathartically deal with my
emotions.
I know I have posted on social media much about my day-to-day struggles
and how I am dealing with them. I
believed that sharing them would not only help me, but more importantly, help my
friends if they ever go through such a life-changing, catastrophic accident. There really isn’t any textbook or SOP to
follow, you just have to go along with it as it unfolds. I have never know
anyone who went through this type of ordeal, nor how they dealt with it.
I liken it to a tunnel you must travel, you have no choice so it’s not
so amazing that you take those tracks into the darkness, clueless. It’s the fact, that despite no light at the
end of that dark tunnel, you continue to move forward, even when you don’t wish
to, that you do.
At first, this tunnel is so long, so empty, so terrifying, so
unsurmountable… but the days continue to move along, as does the rest of the
world. You find it difficult to move
past the day that took your loved one away from you, so unexpectedly, so
quickly. You are stuck in time all the
while knowing time is moving ahead.
The next thing you know, your endless days turn into weeks &
months. This uncertain world you now are
living in becomes even more uncertain when COVID-19 rears it’s ugly head. Just as I was thinking about trying to find
support groups that help you through the loss of a spouse, I must quarantine and
sequester in my own home. Not even traveling into the office as we all become
remote workers where it’s possible.
Now in my 8th month of working remote, I miss the social
aspect of seeing my coworkers… heck, I even took on an entirely new role within
the company in June… talk about trying to learn a new role without meeting any
of my new coworkers in person… but virtually meeting up with them.
Now in the 8th month of quarantine, I miss the social aspect
of extended family & friends.
Oh I have kept myself busy. My
saving grace has been my children & their children. All have kept me busy over the last 12 months.
Shortly after Ron’s passing, we celebrated the 2019 holiday season as a
family unit, mulling our way through them with the help of the little ones who
were super excited. We needed that,
thank God for grandchildren. They help
you through times you don’t want to live through.
Quickly following the holidays came our 1st celebration of
Ron’s birthday in February, which we took as an opportunity to virtually celebrate
with a Baby shower for our newest grandchild, Steve & Jess’ baby. The news of this impending arrival was shared
with Ron and I well ahead of the time it would have been shared. It was one of the brightest moments Ron
enjoyed while stuck in Portland, before the trials and tribulations we had yet
to encounter.
March 1st we welcomed Brynn Mikaela. I hope to meet this little lass before she
packs up and heads off to college, but this COVID-19 epidemic isn’t making it
easy for me.
May rolled around and saw me celebrate, what would have been, our 41st
Anniversary, my 61st birthday without him. Not that he ever went overboard on either day
in the 40 years we were together, but he would make sure I treated myself to
whatever I wanted. Such a romantic at
heart, ha! May also saw our daughter buy
a new home, put her house on the market, sell it within a day or two! No reason for me to stay in my house with no
grands nearby, there was nothing keeping me here, so…
June and July saw me trying to get rid of lots of crap, oh, I mean
cherished memories… over 31 years of them! Why in heaven’s name did we ever
think to keep all that stuff? So purge,
purge and more purge and pack, pack and more pack, then clean, clean, and more
clean and finally stage, stage and more stage… which led me to put the house on
the market on…
August 1, only to have multiple over asking price offers on August 2nd! Who could have imagined something so lucky as
that? Thanks for Ron for keeping the
place up-to-date, the sale went off without a hitch and settlement was made on
my mom & dad’s wedding anniversary in…
September. I have been living
with Lisa and her family in their new home since mid-September. Coco only had us getting kicked out twice in
all that time… I think I have been behaving well so far… but Lisa and Teddy
will have to be the ultimate judge of that…
So here we are in November once again, the 2nd to be exact,
the one year anniversary of Ron’s passing… I thought we’d grow old
together. I lived with Ron twice as long
as I lived with my parents. I went from
my mom and dad, to Ron and Stephen, then Rachel, then Lisa and then Andrew. We had Gypsy, Misty, Reggie, Max and Coco who
added much happiness to our lives. We
lived through our starter house with four kids, to our handyman special house
with the same four kids and made it our home by working on every square inch of
living space. We added two additions to
the original house to accommodate those growing kids. Raised them and saw them
spread their wings; some soared, some are still trying to take off, but they
were raised in a family home with love through all the trials we survived…
Often asked is the question, “If you could, what if anything, would you
change?” That’s a loaded question for
sure… because had we not had such a hard life I often wonder if we’d be as grateful
for that which was given to us. With the
bad comes the good, the yin and yang… Yes, Ron lived a hard life… one that
neither of us would have wished on anyone.
We often questioned why or thought what if this had never happened, what
kind of life might we have had?
The truth of the matter is, we took the cards we were dealt and played
the best hand possible. Shitty is one
way to describe the last half of his life, but what it boils down to is, we
met, fell in love, had a beautiful
family, even more beautiful grandchildren and lots of happy times… we had a wonderful
life together. I miss him terribly and
will hold him in my heart until the day I die.
He gave me the greatest gift I could have, a loving family.
I am still trying to figure out how to navigate this new single life at
my age… but I’ll keep on chugging because I see a light at the end of the
tunnel, and I want to see what’s in store for me there. I still have so many things to overcome, and I
will try to as the need arises. I will try
to be easy on myself because I know I am still traversing this tunnel, alone
and with others. I’ll continue because I
know that Ron would have wanted me to do that.
The sun will come out tomorrow.
