Bringing Happy Memories to Mom

Lately mom has been insistent on going home...

But this home is her childhood home on McKinley Street in the Wyssinoming neighborhood of Philly.  She wants to see her mom and dad.  

Recently, she was a bit sad and said she wished her family would call or visit.  When I asked who she wanted to call, she said Jerry.  My uncle Jerry was my Godfather.  He died well over a decade ago after a bout with cancer.

I had to explain that nana and pop pop were long gone as were all her brothers and their wives.  Maybe, Uncle Bud was still around but I have no idea as he never kept in touch.

This morning, as I was bringing laundry downstairs, I decided to go through the boxes of things I brought home from mom's house when we put it on the market.  Mostly pictures that no one wanted.  I tend to treasure these images of old as they are our history.  

At this point, I don't know who all the folks are in the pictures, and doubt I ever will because mom has progressed in her dementia and doesn't recall who all the folks are.  However, I do know some of the folks from the past.

When mom talks about where she'd like to go, most of the time it surrounds her family when she was younger.  When I speak of my dad, I sometimes get a blank stare in return, like my dad is a stranger to her.

So back to the laundry and pictures... 

I decided to bring up her wedding album.  I left it on my dining room table planning to sit with her and go through it, but she came upon it herself and started to look through it.

After noticing her looking through the album, I said what do you think?  Who are these people?  She had a big smile on her face and said mom, dad and me.  When we flipped the page I asked who these two folks were and she said Franny (my dad's bestman) and I asked and the other guy?  She said Bill.

After looking through the album, she said I wish I had a magnifying glass... and as if in a Disney Princess Movie, I made a magnifying glass appear.  Oh, she was so happy to see it so she could study the pictures... and study she did.

When she was finished looking at them, she stood up, walked a few steps and was in another space of her own.  I asked her if she was okay and she said, that last half hour has brought on so many things and I just don't know how to explain it... so many wonderful memories, I just loved it!

She showered, dressed and returned to the dining room to look at all the pictures once again.

I just love seeing her take it all in and be happy.

Love you mom, miss you too.

Back to the laundry for me for real.

#dementia #byemom #missyoumom #takingcareofmom #wherehasmomgone #aginggracefully #respectyourelders #timeinabottle

By The Lack of Posts You'd Think Nothing Is Happening...

But the exact opposite is in fact the truth.

While I was away in January at my company's Sales Meeting in Dallas, Mom came down with Shingles!  It's been just about two weeks now and she's all scabbed over so at least she's not contagious at this point.

My pregnant daughter came by yesterday afternoon for a visit.  She's the nurse, who of all people could have helped out with mom BUT the fact that she's pregnant meant that she was the last person we wanted around.  Pregnancy and Shingles do not mix well and the baby's health is paramount.

Poor mom.  The medicine to help with Shingles has awful side affects and I believe she experienced every bad side affect possible.  Nausea, vomiting, pain, burning pain, aches, constipation... you name it.  It's been a heck of a time.

Funny story, the other day I felt like a Proctologist... certainly not a career I have ever aspired to... but you gotta do what you gotta do to help I suppose.

Vaseline, gloves and a prayer, there I was trying to help mom poop!  

I know, gross, and my third time helping had me telling mom she owed me BIG time!

Oh well, that's it for now!

Have I grossed you out enough?  

Getting old ain't easy.  Taking care of the elderly ain't for the feint of heart either!


#takingcareofmom #elderlycare #momsmovedin #momsgrowingold #livingwithmom #elderlycaregiver #momneedshelp  #fortheloveofmom #dementiaistakingmomaway  #dementia #caringformom #momneedshelp #adultcare #seniorcare #caregiver #helpforcaregivers #ilovemom #momisdisappearing #livingwithmom #livingwithdementia

God Help Me!

God help me!

Help me to get patient. 

Patient with mom.

Mom's had a walker for about 5 weeks now, but in actual usage, about 2.5 weeks.  That's because she's been in and out of hospitals and nursing homes so much over the last 5 weeks.

I must tell her about 70 times a day, when you are up walking, you need to have your walker in your hands so you do not fall.  You fell and fractured your pelvis so now you MUST use a walker EVERY time you walk so you don't fall again and do more damage to yourself.

And everytime she gets up, she walks right past her walker and walks!!! ARGH!!!  I am about ready to hand cuff it to her wrist!

I am now at the point where I am not telling her, not saying to her, I am just about YELLING it at her!  

And I hate that.

She gets frustrated with me as I get frustrated with her.

Please God, help me.   Help me to get patient.  Patient with mom.

Anyone out there experience this and can offer a few words of encouragement or suggestions?

#dementiaistakingmomaway  #dementia #caringformom #momneedshelp #adultcare #seniorcare #caregiver #helpforcaregivers #ilovemom #momisdisappearing #livingwithmom #livingwithdementia

Our 'Spill' Luck Ran Out...

Lots has happened since my last post....
it's been a crazy busy past two weeks.

Hubby and I finally got to get away for a week's visit to his brother & wife's place in FL.  We had a very relaxing time and got to see lovely places in the Fort Myers area.  We even had the chance to pick up a rental car at the airport mid-week and drive Alligator Alley to the East Coast and get a visit in with my Uncle and a few cousins...  An extremely good trip and extremely needed... we were both feeling the 'pain' of caretaking.

Well while we were away, my older brother and his 2nd wife, decided at nearly the last minute to care for mom at their house.  I believe I wrote about my dilemma of where to put mom while we got away for a much needed break... When I purchased our airline tickets, I put an all-hands email out for volunteers to let mom stay with them... but only one 'immediate' bite, which came from my daughter, the nurse.

She had lived with mom for about 5 years before getting married and buying her own place.  She saw the small little declines in mom's behavior over that 5 year period.  She wanted mom to come to her house.  (I had hoped she'd come and stay here so mom would have the familiar surroundings but hubby said NO! I don't want her in this house! (he was at the breaking point).  He's regretted that since our return, saying I guess you (me) were right, if she had stayed here and Lisa came here, this probably wouldn't have happened... it's my fault... <-- NOTE: it's NOT his fault what happened but as his disease has done with so much else in our lives, he turns EVERYTHING into 'his fault'...

Wait!  What?  Wait what? What wouldn't have happened???

Aha, the crux of the 'so much has happened in the last 2 weeks or so' hint above.

As faithful readers know (are there any of you out there?), mom had been in and out of hospitals recently... up until this point, it was about 8 weeks and 6 hospital trips, with the latest being the shopping 911 call and then back into the hospital within 3 hours of being released from that trip...

So it may or may not surprise you to find out that while hubby and I were away mom had not one but two hospital ER visits and was transferred to a trauma hospital... so if you are trying to keep count... three hospitals, two ER visits in one week... the week we were away.

Keeping up via text messages on what was going on while I was away was a bit unnerving but it served multiple purposes...

• I could not be there in person to handle it... as I am most often the ONLY one that leaves work or whatever I am doing and sit at the hospital while test after test are done...
• Someone else would have to play that role
• My brother and his wife got to experience some of what my hubby and I deal with on a regular basis (but don't complain about it, at least not until the very end when we were burnt out and needed a break)
• My hubby has gained a #1 Fan in my brother... stating it's not fair to hubby and hubby needs breaks from this constant care-giving.
• And a few more...

First trip to the ER occurred on Tuesday afternoon.  Mom had a trip to the doctor's office on Monday evening, she had a UTI and blood work was done.  Results showed blood count was 6.3.  It should be in the 13.something range... so after trying to contact the folks up here, the doctor's office called my home # and left a vm... and called my cell phone and left a vm.

I was swimming and when I came out, my brother-in-law told me my phone was making all kinds of noises.  I looked and saw I had a vm, and when I saw the #, I knew it was the doctor's # and redialed straight away without listening to the vm.

Doctor wanted her taken to ER immediately, no need to call ambulance but take her and say 'this' so she will be taken back right away and not sit in the waiting room.  Luckily my daughter, the nurse, and my younger brother were both at my brother's house visiting my mom and were able to take mom to ER...

She was admitted, given blood and endoscopy to cauterize an internal bleed.

Thursday she was ready for release but no one could pick her up until after work... Again, Lisa to the rescue, she offers and picks up mom takes her to her house for the day and when my brother and his wife get home, they pick her up and bring her back to their place.  Thursday evening, around dinner time.

I have to add, mom was not sleeping well at night and would be up wandering around their split level home during the night... this was very trying on everyone there; my brother, his wife, his daughter and her fiancee.  And she did start to wander at night in recent weeks at our house too, but not every night and we'd coax her back to bed... she never remembered this in the mornings.

Friday night, around 2 am, she was in their living room and fell.  Apparently she was thirsty and wanted tea.  Went downstairs, in the dark, got her tea and either fell then broke the tea cup and spilled the tea or dropped the tea cup, broke it then fell... we don't know the order but end result was mom on the floor, tea cup broke and tea spilled all over.  Required a change of clothes and wrestling with her to go to bed.

She did not complain when they tried to get her up and walk back to bed, however, when she awakened at 6:30 am she was trying to walk downstairs and her grunts and grinches of pain led my brother and his wife to believe something was drastically wrong... a call to 911.

After being taken to the ER and Xrays revealed a fractured pelvic bone, she was transported to another 'trauma' hospital on Saturday morning.

Long story... I know... and I will try to shorten it a bit.

Hubby and I returned home Saturday, the same morning Pope Francis arrived in Philly for the World Meeting of Families, can you say Secret Service Security??? Not too bad at the airport, His Holiness arrived two hours before we did.

It took me from Monday until Thursday at dinner time to find a place for mom for rehab that could accommodate supervision and a gluten free diet....

Who would have thought...

I finally got to see mom yesterday afternoon in the new place.. I'll pick up there on the next post... needless to say, there was a wee bit of drama...

#elderlycare #momsmovedin #eldercare #dimentia #needhelpwithmom #lovemom #growingoldwithdignity  #ilovemom  #missingmom #watchingmomgoaway

She's Taken Another Spill...

Well she's been wearing a heart monitor for nearly a week, we return it tomorrow.  The we'll get some more results to rule out or rule in what's going on with mom...

Yesterday, we went to 11am Mass... she was a bit ticked because she likes the 9:30am Mass but I've taken her the last 3 weeks.  For those of you who don't know, I've had some real life challenges in the past two years and my faith has been shaken... I am seeing the footprints and when there are only one set, they're mine... not God's carrying me... I am alone and feel it sometime it hurts... so I have fallen away from the Catholic church for more reasons than one... a life long church goer, I've stopped going.  Reasons can be another couple of posts but this blog is to deal with my mom and her path with dementia... and so...

When I came home from work and started prepping for dinner, mom came into the kitchen and took a seat at the island.

We began talking and she shared with me that she had taken another 'spill' today... coming down the steps.  She fell while on the 2nd step from the top and fell to the landing... Luckily my staircase turns at a 90 degree angle and she did not fall down nearly a full set of steps.  OMG!!! 

She was holding her ribs but I did check and don't believe any bones were broken.  I think the stiffness is muscular but OMG... what next?  I told her I was concerned with this, the 3rd spill in as many weeks...

First one was in the kitchen, she fell over the trashcan and landed on the floor, luckily I was here, heard her and was here to help her up.

Second one was in her room... she exited the bed on the opposite side where she sleeps... the side closer to the wall with the radiator... and fell as she got near the end of the bed... into the boxes she's stacked up in her room... thank God they were there she said, they helped break her fall.

And now, the third fall today while coming down the steps... I asked if she had anything in her hands, just the cane she said... I asked if she was holding on the handrail, yes she said.... 

I wrote to my sister and brothers to let them know... things are deteriorating, they are... and I am amazed at how quickly it's unfolding right before my eyes.

Is this how it progresses? So quickly?  I will tell the family doctor when we do our follow up on the 28th, it may be time to start a new med to help with the dementia.

The Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Visiting Nurse will end this week... and a Speech Therapist will come by this week as well... Mom sometimes can't get the words to come out...

Ah... if anyone has dealt with this, how did you handle this?  Are there support groups that caregivers of parents with dementia available?  What is it called?  Any good websites out there that help?

I know, no one is reading this... but at least I am getting it out of my system and keeping this blog as a reference and diary so to speak.  Documenting the mundane and crazy all in one...  

Dear Lord, please spare me the loss of my mind... I have always placed an importance on education and continually learn, I consider myself a life learner... and am very proud of the fact that NO ONE can take that away from me, except God... and it sure looks like he's doing that with my mom... a woman who was so intelligent, fashionable and ahead of her time... and this disease is taking her away slowly but surely... it's sad.


#elderlycare #momsmovedin #eldercare #dimentia #needhelpwithmom #lovemom #growingoldwithdignity  #ilovemom  #missingmom #watchingmomgoaway

That House Across The Street...

Has the same rooms as this one.
Has the same furniture, sofa & love seat... but not these chairs, they are different.
Has the same chairs as the dining room...

It's funny, it's just like this one.

When am I going over there?

You're not mom, you live here...

Really? 

Yup... now let's get you upstairs and ready for bed.

She's up there dusting her room right now... when will she go to bed?

#takingcareofmom #elderlycare #momsmovedin #momneedshelp #momsgettingold #dementia #caringformom #caringformom #caregiversupport

Sandwiched Generation...

Here I am!

I knew there was a name for those of us middle-aged people caring for a parent over 65 and caring for an over 18 child financially at some point.

That's me...

Hoping when my time comes that I am cared for by a family member too... but it ain't easy my friends, it ain't easy.

Any advice?

#sandwichedgeneration #sandwiched-generation #caringformom #agingparents

It Has Come to This... My Dear Mom Letter!

As much as it pains me to have to do this, I believe providing this to mom in writing will better help her understand how important it is that she stop driving at the ripe old age of 83...  

My sister wanted all of my siblings to provide her something to include in a letter and she'd give to mom. When I sent this along, she replied,  

"Wow.  That is awesome.  I would keep that as your own to her.  There is no need to incorporate it at all.  It is powerful all by itself."  

So here it goes, my open letter to mom and driving...  

Dear Mom,  

The mom that raised me was a very intelligent, loving and kind woman who always put the other person ahead of herself when dealing with people.  Because of you and your excellent example, I have grown into such a person.    

With regard to driving at the age of 83 and your current ability, mental capacity and health factors, I am opposed to you driving for many reasons, the foremost of which is your safety and the safety of others.  

Recent health problems have seen you have 3 episodes in a 6 week period of time that required a call to 9-1-1 and hospitalization.  The episodes come on without any warning, so preventing them and predicting them is impossible.  It is my belief that should you be behind the wheel of a car when one of these episodes suddenly, and without warning, comes on, you would be a danger to not only yourself but others as the vehicle would quickly turn from a mode of transportation and 'freedom' to an out of control, destructive vehicle of death that would take away any 'freedom' you may have.  

The driver's license issue will be determined after a six month period of time with an assessment of both your mental and physical health.  If after six months both have not improved tremendously, I would very much appreciate your reconciling your thoughts and feelings to the fact that you are no longer a safe driver and everyone, including you, would be better served if you voluntarily gave up your driving privileges.  

Doing so will gain my support and that of others to bring you out on planned trips to and from stores or friends or social engagements.  

I do this with heavy heart, as it means that you are deteriorating both mentally and physically but I do this with love because you are deserving of dignity, respect and safe keeping.  I want nothing but the best for you and promise to do whatever makes you happy as long as it is not in any way harmful to you.   

Love always, 

Me  

So have you ever had to experience this with your aging parent? 

How did you handle it? 

Did it go over well? 

Would you have done anything differently? 

#elderlycare  #momsgettingold  #caringformom #eldercare  #dimentia #agingparent #helpingmomagegracefully

Post Hospital Stays Follow Ups...

Ah, it's time for all of the post hospital stays follow up....

Dr. Appt with family doctor, check!

He'll have to do some follow ups with the hospitals to see what tests were done as the discharge papers didn't indicate tests and we're trying to figure out if it's a heart thing or a neurological thing.

I have as many to do's as he does!

• Make appointment with cardiologist for follow up to hospital stay and heart monitor.
• Occupational therapist coming today.
• Physcial therapist coming today.
• Visiting nurse needs to call and schedule a visit.
• Reduce aspirin to a baby aspirin v. the adult one prescribed in the hospital, doctor afraid of internal bleeding coming back.
• Oh, symptoms to watch for with bleeding.... feint - no dizzyness, tired, blood in stool, etc... Whoo hoo!

And more...

Being in the sandwiched generation isn't for the feint of heart...  just getting out from under the kids and now it's time for the parental care....

Can't wait to get away in a few weeks....

#takingcareofmom  #elderlycare  #careformom  #parentalcare  #gettingold  #respectyourelders 

2 Hospital Run In Just About As Many Days....

So Monday, after work, I stop by the hospital to take mom home.  They said she had a TIA.

We get home about 6:30pm, I look for something to make for dinner, whip it up, we eat... and mom ate the entire thing!... and clean up.  By this time it's the last round of #WheelofForture and we park ourselves on the sofa to watch.

As normal, mom nods off, and on, and off, and on... snoring a little as she goes.

The phone rings, it's the 'visiting nurse' calling to make an appointment to visit on Tuesday and see mom.  After consulting with the hubby if noon is a good time to stop by, I set the appointment and hang up the phone.

Then I tell mom, come on lady Jane, time to head upstairs to bed.... mom is reaching out, searching for something and I ask what's she's doing?  Trying to move that out of the way... What?... that stuff... Mom, there's nothing there... 

Come on... let's get you upstairs and ready for bed... I help he slowly get up... she takes a few steps to the other end of the sofa and proclaims, I don't feel well, I have to sit....

She sits... and goes into one of those episodes where she's totally unresponsive, her eyes are wide open, pupils big and stationary and her chest doesn't rise for about 6 seconds... I start to slap her cheeks to see if I can get her to respond,,, no luck, so I dial that favorite # again... 9-1-1!

Back we go to the local hospital... more of same testing that was done on Saturday and Sunday at the other place and then some!

Picked her up last night around 8pm and brought her home.  Their diagnosis... dizzyness.... yeah, she's dizzy alright... 

We did get a doctor to agree to write the state to take away her license for 6 months, until we track her progress and see if she improves, but she should NOT be driving.  Oh this will go over well with her... NOT!  Going to let my  sister handle this conversation, perhaps best to do with entire family present... 

Anyone ever have to deal with this???  #HowDidYouHandleThis?  #MomCantDrive #TakeAwayHerDriversLicense

She slept well, and was awake when I left for work today... 

I have sunshine hours today, so I will be home around noon... and will sift through all her NEW discharge papers and set up all the various doctor appointments...

#CaringForMom  #ElderlyCare  #AgingParent  #SupportForAgingParents  #TIA #Stroke